The Tsundere and the Wallflower (Part 1)


I have the same kind of dream every night. I'll curl up in bed, wherever I'm currently living, whatever the conditions are- and close my eyes. I'll feel myself sinking, almost, and then it begins.

I open my eyes and I'm floating in an empty black hole that stretches in all directions. Nobody's there, just me. And then the screens appear. TV screens, in a circle around me. Each screen displays colorbars, no image whatsoever. Sometimes I hear music. Sometimes the screens show memories...sometimes they just stay colorbars sometimes.

I feel like the dreams occasionally reflect the future as well...One night, a hand reached through the top of the blackness. A hand with pink painted fingernails...a thin, fragile hand that belonged to someone about my age. I was sure it was a girl's hand, but I couldn't care less about her...

I sigh and turn over on the leaky air mattress in the basement that I sleep on. It's cold down here, and I often get little or no sleep. Old house noises, the coldness seeping through the sheet...the ratty old pillow. Sometimes the houses I live in are like this, and I can't help it...they're legally taking care of me. I have a roof over my head and meals, and it's at least something. I could be on the streets. I could be dead. I could be under the care of a father who is unable to care for his daughter...and isn't making any improvement. I've received letters from his therapist, saying that his drinking habits aren't getting any better.

I'm out of the foster system by now, but I'm still living in this damn house. I could be living in the dorms at my college. I'm in my third year of undergraduate college, and I'm 21 years old...I should be on my own. And yet it feels like I can't escape here. I'm a pathetic excuse for an almost adult.

I attempt to clear thoughts from my head, which is easier said than done. Sighing, I roll over again and watch a spider descend from the ceiling and land in the far corner of the room. The dehumidifier begins to hum again, and I close my eyes and let its sound lull me to sleep.

The dream begins again. I'm floating in the blackness, dressed in nothing but a dark green T-shirt that's twice my size and a pair of underwear. My fingernails are painted red, but streams of crimson run from the nail polish and drip down to the bottom of the pit. Wherever that is.

The colorbars come up on the screens again, and an earsplitting noise envelops me. A scream tears from my throat and the noise slows down. It becomes an eerie melody, pieces of broken glass raining from the top of the emptiness. A scarlet, heart-shaped dripping object falls into my lap. The scarlet liquid dripping off of it pools on my shirt and soaks through, the damp fabric touching my skin.

The eerie melody stops and the glass disappears, taking the crimson off my nails and removing the scarlet heart from my lap. Streams of pretty music come from the screens as they shatter, sending notes into the emptiness. The notes wrap around me, coiled in a spring formation, and they make circles around me. I feel heat evaporating off of them, and for once it's warm in here. Everything evaporates and I feel myself floating, just floating...gentle voices soothing my racing heart.


Sleep. That's all that is left, until a shrill beep ruins it.

I open my eyes to see the basement again, and I slam my hand onto the alarm clock that's beeping aggressively. Pulling myself up off the mattress, I sigh and fold up the sheet. The mattress goes against the wall with the sheet on the floor in front of it, and the pillow on top of the sheet.

I hate it here. It might be better if I had someone to text or call, but...people are scared of me. The woman that I'm living with doesn't give a f*** about me, so I spend most of my time out of the house. There's a particular place I enjoy going.

I go up the stairs and the first thing I see is Airi, my current 'caretaker'. She's smoking and eating a bowl of cereal at the same time...Disgusting. She's disgusting.

"Get out of here before you're late to school," she grumbles in her raspy voice.

"Get that cigarette out of your mouth before it sets your fat ass on fire," I snap at her. I pick up the school bag I have and open the pantry, taking out a packet of 2 Pop-Tarts. Who needs to toast a toaster pastry?

"Don't talk to me like that." She glares at me. "Don't come back here tonight. You're kicked out of here, bitch. Best day of my goddamn life."

"Yeah, sure. F*** you. I hope you die and go to hell." I take a bite of a Pop-Tart and go out the door, slamming it behind me. Imagining her death makes me smile as I get on my bike and head to my college, which is about a mile away. I suppose I can hold off getting a dorm room for a while...if I go there after classes are over, I can forget all this sh*t for a moment.

I close my eyes for a moment and wish. To be back in the black abyss, watching the colorbars flicker and glitch out, hearing the sounds intertwine and feeling the notes wrap around me like a blanket. I don't know what the dorm will be like, but I'm sure it'll be sh*tty.

Opening my eyes, I watch the cars in their lanes beside the bike lane. The wind I'm creating blows my oversized shirt a little, and I grumble at it. The stupid shirt looks terrible with my black leggings, but it's all I've got for now.

I see the buildings of campus ahead of me, and pedal faster. Shoving the rest of the Pop-Tart in my mouth, I ride in through the gates and head towards the science buildings. I hop off my bike and lock it in the rack, stuffing the key in my bag and heading to class.

Another sh*tty day, here I go.
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0 | Aug 8th 2019 22:37